Anonymous asked: My long term partner just left me for another person. How do I get over this breakup?
ok. i know this one.
you’re going to want to listen to the song “whomever” by delay. possibly on repeat. not a bad time to revisit “go your own way” by fleetwood mac, or really the whole “rumours” record. i don’t know if you’re a fleetwood mac fan, anonymous, but that album will bloom in a way it never could before when you weren’t feeling heartache. basically go ahead and feel the fuck out of your feelings. it hurts and you’re entitled to that hurt. you’re entitled to heartache. you may be entitled to anger. not to say that your ex-partner necessarily did anything wrong, but you’re feeling the pain of separation and you’re allowed to grieve.
if you’re a creative person, now is a great time to make art, music, write, etc. a lot of great art comes out of heartache. your feelings are amplified and if you can harness that into something tangible, it will not only help you get it out of your system but it’ll make you feel you’re accomplishing things, which will boost your confidence and help you get over it.
if possible, try to view this as a positive catalyst. often, a break up can be the thing that prompts you to make changes in your life you’ve been meaning to make. it’s not that your partner was holding you back or anything, it’s just that when you’re shaken from your routine it can put things in perspective and inspire you to act. times of transition are some of the most important times in our lives. don’t pass this one up! maybe you’ve been meaning to move, start flossing, quit your job, learn how to bake. maybe you’ve been meaning to exercise more. either way actually, i recommend exercise. scientifically, it’s good for your brain and helps with depression, if that’s something you might be worried about.
once you’re feeling up to it, get active on okcupid or tinder, grindr, whatever the kids are into these days. maybe you’ll want to sleep around. maybe you won’t want to date anyone for a year. regardless, you don’t have to try to meet anyone right yet, you could just browse, and it’ll be good to feel like you’re getting romantic/sexual attention from somewhere other than the memory of your ex.
i don’t know the details, but shy of your ex-partner doing something terrible, try not to blame them, and try not to resent their new partner. can’t promise that’ll be easy. it might take time, but there are a multitude of reasons that someone might need to end a relationship. them leaving you for someone else doesn’t mean that that other person has something you don’t have. likely the new person was just the thing that made your ex realize they needed to end a relationship that had already run it’s course. relationships are very contextual. people are always growing and changing. people find each other at points in their lives where they are perfect for each other and then as they and the circumstances of their lives change, the relationship no longer makes sense. it doesn’t always make sense at the time, but it might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
so yeah, all that and don’t forget music. music can really help. i love break up songs. you have my permission to turn to the various spoonboy and TMLE songs written on the subject. i really like that this american life episode about break up songs. get into it. feel it. revel in it. then get out there AND LIVE!! good luck.